I can no longer fear ....fear

Have you ever had that humpty dumpty feeling...where you just fell off a wall..and no one can put you back together. So what do you do..sit there with a woe is me attitude..what if it is time to rise above that time to take charge of what is important..of what is right. Time to change. For the longest I have been afraid of change..but what I don't realize is that I am so far into change that is harming me...I have lost sight of the way to get out. I am letting go..I am pulling myself out of the game...I Am done. I can no longer feel this pain..feel this hurt..I can no longer feel like I am nothing.. The devil is a liar and can no longer have any power over me..I am taking it all back. I am God's child. I can no longer fear...fear..God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind..sometimes..i put that gift to the side and every time I do, I become afraid, I become unsound, I feel unloved. So I am done...I'm taking control of what God has given me and using it the best way that I know how. I have lost site of who I am..who I need to be..of who God has called me to be. I was to busy trying to be grown, on my own, and oblivious to the plans that the enemy had on my life. But it came to a point where I no longer had an esteem, I no longer had a respect for myself, I no longer felt worth it. God said I was worth it, my family said I was worth it, My friends said I was worth it...So why can I feel it! Why cant the pain go away! Why cant I just know that everything will be okay! That I don't have to hurt, I don't have to cry, I don't have to feel the pain anymore. Why! I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm just...just. I need to be refreshed, I need to be alive, I need to believe that God is going to work it out. I need to put my faith to work, because faith without works is dead...and I am tired of being dead. I say all of this but I don't know where to start, or how to start. I constantly set myself up to fail...and I cant fail this ..I cant not do this...I cant give up.. I want this..I want to go after this..but I need help...I need guidance...I need deliverance...I need to know that everything is going to be alright. But I don't know where to take the first step..I don't know how to move..I feel like a child all over again... I have to get up...If I stand up wrong I need to know that God will straighten me out..If I happen to trip..I need to know that God will catch my fall. WHY IS IT THAT I CAN BELIEVE IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT NOT FOR ME....WHY???!!!. I need you Jesus...I need you so much right now.