So I mess up a lot ...I say one thing mean it that day than another it becomes a completely different story..everyone makes mistakes..sometimes I tend to make the same one that has taken on a different form. Life is a constant test in which we chose to pass of fail and I constantly feel like a failing with judgmental eyes telling me what I coulda and shoulda done...and yet none of them are willing to take a walk in my shoes. I'm screaming inside..I'm suffocating on the out. I'm tired of people looking at my struggles actin like they have answers to a problem they have no knowledge about...please please wont you take a walk in my shoes and maybe jus maybe your words will be used a little more wisely..I'm sooo tires if constantly trying to start over because people constantly push me towards the edge..so I'm done I am over it all..I am tired of trusting people who refuse to see the real me..of relying on someone who doesn't realize how good of a friend I have been..If only people treated me how I treated them..than this wouldn't be an issue I wouldn't have to leave ...I am strugglin to find my place in the world..I am feelin like someone stole it from me..I am jus gonna stay home work and handle business..that all I can do..I am hurt.
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I just wanna leave...
In school when we used to play dodge ball I was always the one hit within the first five minutes..my coordination was always terrible..right now I feel like I'm in the middle of a dodge ball game with the devil and I am losing bad..I have caught a couple to keep me in the game but I keep getting distracted by who he put on the sidelines..My mom always told me that God never puts you through more than you can bare that he allows the devil to test you sometimes to see you come out on top..I feel like I'm disappointing them both..because they both see something in me that I often fail to see myself...it sucks sometimes because I know that I am better than this I know that I can do better an make them proud ..because at the end of the day its just a test and trust and believe I have had more than enough practice..it just gets scary you know because there are times when I think about moving an wonder how I will be out there.. I say that I want a fresh start but I need to start fresh out here first...I know for a fact that I am moving to Dallas but before I do I need to make sure that every loose end is taken care of because the last thing I need is to leave and come back AGAIN...quite honestly and sadly I'm worst out here than I was out there..an that scary..I cant go out there worse..I need to go out there better.. So I am going to pass these test...I am going to dodge an catch these balls because I refuse to let the devil have the satisfaction of this win..I'm determined and I know this is what I want ..what I need so I am taking care of it..I am getting it done because I need this...I will show everyone that doubted me and said that I "couldn't" than I can and I will..I'm done being held back..tell me I can't and I will show you that I can..I'm doing this because I need to make God proud my blessing is on the way!
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