I just wanna leave...

In school when we used to play dodge ball I was always the one hit within the first five minutes..my coordination was always terrible..right now I feel like I'm in the middle of a dodge ball game with the devil and I am losing bad..I have caught a couple to keep me in the game but I keep getting distracted by who he put on the sidelines..My mom always told me that God never puts you through more than you can bare that he allows the devil to test you sometimes to see you come out on top..I feel like I'm disappointing them both..because they both see something in me that I often fail to see myself...it sucks sometimes because I know that I am better than this I know that I can do better an make them proud ..because at the end of the day its just a test and trust and believe I have had more than enough practice..it just gets scary you know because there are times when I think about moving an wonder how I will be out there.. I say that I want a fresh start but I need to start fresh out here first...I know for a fact that I am moving to Dallas but before I do I need to make sure that every loose end is taken care of because the last thing I need is to leave and come back AGAIN...quite honestly and sadly I'm worst out here than I was out there..an that scary..I cant go out there worse..I need to go out there better.. So I am going to pass these test...I am going to dodge an catch these balls because I refuse to let the devil have the satisfaction of this win..I'm determined and I know this is what I want ..what I need so I am taking care of it..I am getting it done because I need this...I will show everyone that doubted me and said that I "couldn't" than I can and I will..I'm done being held back..tell me I can't and I will show you that I can..I'm doing this because I need to make God proud my blessing is on the way!