An addiction gone bad

I don't know how to feel or how to think at time...im tired of the points in my life where I think I can live without consequence...it gets irratating ... I just made a terrible mistake...one tht I know...shouldnt have been made...and most people would say "dont beat yourself up" but I'm realizing the moment I go easy on myself and give in..thats when everything goes down hill..im playing with fire acting like I have a real good insurance policy...i need to stop..take things seriously and realize that ...thats not the reason god has placed me here...he is given me a story to tell...a job to do..and I can't keep skippin through life like I'm always gonna be here...time is hor and life is even shorter..i have to make up my mind on who I'm gonna serve...god or my addiction..