Its a new season

I'm hurt, I'm scared, and I'm bruised..But I'm changed..It took everything that has happened within the last 3 years to make me realize my worth. It is sad, but true. The last 5 months have been a huge breaking point for me, I don't normally trust people with myself, if it comes to me giving myself away..I make sure to just walk away from it, or try not to approach the idea in the least bit, I have always been protective of my body, my insecurities, of just who I am. The one thing that hurts me most is that when I finally trusted, when I finally opened up and said okay, when I risked all of me for someones gain and pleasure and they treat it as if, its not important..as if it meant nothing, as if it didn't matter in the first place. That is the very reason I tried my hardest to protect it. That hurt me more than anything, it hurt because my trust was betrayed, it hurt because I let myself down by trusting someone that I did not love, It hurts because I know I could have done better, I could have stopped, I could have said no and walked away..I could of but I didn't. So I'm hurt and I'm scared, But I am also changed. Changed because he made me realize that everything I was doing was self destructive. I was going down the wrong path, I was to busy trying to open his eyes to the possibilities when mine were shut the whole time. I cared more about his feelings, his emotions, his views, and didn't even care about my own, how sad is that. I settled; to settle is to gradually sink, and I have been doing that for so long. But now its time for me to rise above it all and take hold of who I really am. I cant settle anymore. I am a new Amanda Joy. I don't have time for games, when I was a child I acted as a child, I am a adult now it is time for me to put childish things away. He is still a child so, I have no need or want for him and more, I am finally letting him go. I can be free of it all, I can be me. It is okay to still be a little bruised because that just makes me stronger I have to shake it off and keep moving forward. I don't have time to keep looking back asking myself what if. Living in a fantasy/what-if world got me where I was, I am now entering reality with a new attitude. The world better watch out!